As today’s journey has been rather uneventful other than the last 10 miles when we got a bit lost and took 3 hours to do it, we’ve decided not to bore you all with uneventful road, the weather, etc, but instead to share with you some of our experiences on the road.
So we know some of you have questioned our sanity, especially when we first started planning this trip, but if you saw us over the past few days, trust us, you wouldn’t doubt our sanity any more, you’d know we’d gone crazy! Along with our craziness we have also become quite candid and seem to have no problem sharing personal details, especially regarding our toilet habits. (O….K…..) Yes, you did just read that right, we have for some inexplicable reason started sharing information regarding our bowel movements with one another. Betting you’re glad you’re not with us now! Now while riding the bike everyday we seem to have come across four main issues. So much so that we have now classified them with their own unique name and specific “dances”. You too can try these at home, and you don’t even need music! These are the following:
1, “THE PEE PRANCE”
This movement involves a slight shuffle along the floor trying not to jiggle too much otherwise you jiggle your bladder. Your feet will barely leave the floor, and you will take small steps. Failure to do so could result in disaster and the overriding urge to find the nearest bush!
2, “THE POO POLKA”
This one has slightly more disastrous consequences than the Pee Prance if not performed correctly, and also results in a look of confusion/desperation on the sufferer’s face as they try to work out if its gas or something a little more solid. To do the Poo Polka all you have to do is “shake your tail feathers” as you walk. The more pressing the feeling, the more shaking is required.
3, “THE WEDGIE WIGGLE”
This one Dan and I have become quite expert at, it is similar to the Poo Polka but shorter, although that depends on just how far up ones wedgie has gone. The main characteristic of this move that separates it from the Poo Polka is that hand stretched far behind the back and the back being arched. The suffer leans backwards, grabs hold of their underwear, then wiggles in a downward direction until said underwear has been dislodged from ones posterior.
4, “THE SORE BOTTOM SHUFFLE”
As you can imagine, after four days on a bike we are feeling this one. To do the Sore bottom shuffle requires some skill and expertise. We’d like to add finesse to the list but we all know thats not true! The sore bottom shuffle goes like this… (to the tune of the hokie kokie)
“You put your bottom to the back, you put your bottom to the front, back, front, up, down, move it all about, you do the bottom shuffle and keep your bike straight, thats what its all about”
We hope by the time we get home that you have all mastered these dances too! We’re in the process of planning a celebration party on our return and we expect to see you all perform them!
However it would seem that our sharing of toilet habit stories isn’t limited to time on the bike, but also in hotels, public places, and currently MacDonalds where we are writing this entry. In fact, the other day Nikki sleptwalked to the bathroom, got back into her bed, and decided to tell me in gret detail all about her experience while she was gone for the 2 short minutes. The conversation was longer than her time away… Oh yeah, she was asleep the whole time!
For those of you who may be interested (and if you are, you are a strange strange person!), Nikki wrote yesterdays blog post about the hotel when sat on the toilet. How you ask? Well, this was actually a stroke of genius (theres a fine line between genius and insanity!). As the blog is being written on an iPad, and we have a bluetooth keyboard. Nikki took just the keyboard into the bathroom with her and left the iPad charging on the bed while I packed the bags. As Nikki could not see the screen and what she was typing, there was the occasional call through the bathroom door of “Dan, can you check what I’ve just typed” to which my reply would be something along the lines of “backspace three times, right now add a t”. It definitely made it a little different from your average blog post…
So hands up, how many of you are reading this while on the toilet now? Surfing and pooping is a totally legitimate sport!
The reason we are doing this and sharing all these somewhat personal stories with you is to help the NSPCC. Please consider donating at http://www.virginmoneygiving.com/r2rchallenge
Nikki and Dan