Ok so here is a startling fact for you all… I admit I am from the Blackburn area. So now that I have dropped that bombshell I can go on to live a normal life… no I am joking! Obviously you all knew that I am from Blackburn, I don’t exactly try to deny it. Ok so that is a lie I try desperately to deny it and separate myself from this town but my accent give it away! I realise now you are all reading this and wondering what on earth this has to do with our biking blog, just stick with me and I promise I will get there. (Please take blog entry with a pinch of salt as is completely comical)
Now from being a child I have been raised as a Blackburner with one core belief…. Burnley is our enemy!!! Now this isn’t me being melodramatic (well not OVERLY melodramatic) as I know Burnley people are raised to think the same about Blackburners, it’s just a way of life! I would hardly ever tell a person from Burnley that I am from Blackburn (Not that I talk to many) and vice versa for them.
Now for all those people who aren’t from round here, read up on ‘War of the Roses‘ and you are getting close to the rivalry between us. Where this rivalry stems from I have no idea (maybe football is to blame, I seem to be able to blame football for most things!) but Blackburn and Burnley are hardly exactly light years away from each other (11.2 miles in fact), and we even all speak with the same accent… though I didn’t just admit that and I will deny it til I die! We both have good shops (though Blackburn is obviously better as we actually have a HMV), we both have good colleges (again Blackburn is obviously better though as our college is a university as well), we both have museums (or at least I believe Burnley has culture!), we both have a cinema and a bowling alley (You know what I am going to say so I will just leave it!) So where has this rivalry come from?!?
Now as I have got older, this built-in desire to hate and pick on everything about Burnley has caused problems, namely that majority of my friends are from the Burnley area, including our dearest Dan! I have had to also start to admit that Burnley is even better for some things…. namely its nightlife! The truth is whenever we got on a night out it is usually Burnley, and that isn’t just because my friends are there, it’s because Blackburn is dead! The last time my friend and I went round Blackburn we asked a bouncer where the best place was to go for some drinks and his exact words where ‘Get a taxi to Burnley!’… oh dear! So it would seem Burnley is finally one up on Blackburn.
But now I have to admit that Burnley has another thing going in its favour… It seems it has not yet contracted the deadly disease spreading over the Blackburn area….
I know this will frighten and alarm you, and you may even have come into contact with the disease, but don’t worry from my own observations of those effected it would seem it is not contagious unless you belong in the chav category of people.
Symptoms of the disease include:
Slow shuffling walk
Listless facial expressions
Inability to answer even simple questions
The sudden desire to include swear words in ever sentence
If you have observed any other symptoms of this terrifying disease I urge you all to write them in the comments below, I feel that people should be throughly warned… If you yourself have exhibited these symptoms I am afraid the only cure is death or exile! ZCD is an advanced form of Chav Disease, Chav disease has affected parts of Burnley so I can not vouch for its safety from ZCD in the future. For those curious, you can tell when I person has sadly moved on from simple CD to ZCD by the fact that their walk will become much slower and more slumped and their facial expression will become more blank as though they are staring right through you.
Now Dan and I thought that this frightening disease was contained to those on benefits and at the job center… how wrong we were…..
It would seem that it has spread to some of the employed people of Blackburn too! How do we know this I hear you ask, well it all happened when we went to return Cleatus to that large chain bike shop in Blackburn (told you I would get to the bit about a bike), we were greeted with a face much like this one:
We could tell things would not go well… how right we where! There where unhelpful, and even slightly rude! I did my best to stay pleasant, yet even I struggled! Safe to say they would do NOTHING for us despite the bike coming from them and the fact it was clearly screwed! To say they are supposed to know about bikes, they didn’t even notice that Cleatus’ back wheel was hanging off and tried to blame the noise on the brakes and the gears. It’s safe to say this disease has reached critical levels if those suffering don’t even notice what is right in front of their faces! We left after about 15 mins in the store to go and thoroughly disinfected ourselves in case we had contracted the disease too!
(Don’t worry the bike story has a happy ending as the next day we took it to the Burnley branch of this same chain were we were greeted with actual humans and exchanged the bike for the new still-to-be-named bike, see below for the poll for your chance to vote on a name)
Now Dan and I were convinced this must be a one time occurence and surely ZCD can’t have spread further than that one shop, right?… Wrong! Last week we decided to get some posters printed and Staples have kindly helped us out! Burnley staples printed out 50 posters free of charge for us and Bolton staples printed out 40…. guess what we got a Blackburn…..
Someone with this facial expression:
And safe to say we left with no posters! Once again the staff where slightly rude! I have found the whole experience of shopping in the large stores in Blackburn quite frustrating! Therefore it would seem I am going to have to review my thoughts on Burnley as it seems to be scoring quite a few plus points. At least Burnley has good customer service going for it, whereas in Blackburn I am not even sure they know what customer service is let alone how to do it well!!
(I should just point out there are some exception to this in Blackburn and at times I have had very good customer service, so please if you work in Blackburn don’t send me lots of hate mail!!)
So now I am going to bring this blog post all the way back to me and my bike…. for those of you who have had the displeasure of seeing me out and about on my bike, I would just like to put your minds at ease that I do not have ZCD despite my facial expression while on the bike looking much like this:
So don’t worry there is no need to shoot me as I am not contagious. I am simply concentrating that hard on following Dan’s light and not thinking about the hills I am going up or the pain in my legs that the downside is it gives me that slight constipated zombie look! But despite how I look at least it gets me up the hills and keeps me going, otherwise there is no hope of us reaching France!!
As I said above the poll is still open to vote for what you think Dan’s new bike should be called, the voting will stay open until Sunday evening and the winning name will be announced on Monday! Oh the anticipation is killing me!!!
Thank you to everyone who is supporting us, it means so much to us both. If you would like to donate please go to http://www.virginmoneygiving.com/r2rchallenge please remember that all money raised is going to the NSPCC. Thank you.
- R.I.P. “Cleatus” (r2rchallenge.wordpress.com)
- Three for the price of one (r2rchallenge.wordpress.com)